BLAINESWORLD #811, Section 2, part 2

(1) Lillian D. in PA: Joan Weiss would be so happy for you and Cynthia and the great work you two are doing…I miss her every day… She introduced me to such wonderful folks like you and all the other Bucks Conty Community Professors… We had lunch At Applebees. … I miss those beautiful informative days… I try to do things for her… Her son Saul and his wife have more children…. she always wanted to be a grandmother… I am glad that you two are having a wonderful life.

(2) Steve D. in CT [on Section 1A in BLAINESWORLD #809]: Sounds like a good idea for you; enjoy all the free time the decision frees up.

NOTE: The above paragraph was my April Fool’s joke; i.e., I am still going to put out BLAINESWORLD on a weekly basis.

(3) Pat H. in PA [on question about leaving money to children]: Yes.. This has been a big discussion within a group of my friends. It really hits home with a lot of people although some are too embarrassed to discuss it as they constantly give their kids so much…They find it hard to stop….and it keeps on going…. Sad… One friend has a brother who is constantly giving to the point where he is almost risking his own financial disaster. I think he has some type of guilt complex… (???) His daughter has been in and out of a few “relationships” and now is living in a trailer with a druggie boyfriend (???) And there is nothing to show for all the big money he’s been giving her over the years. I think she is in her late 30s now. He could never say no…. It’s a mess. Another rich friend gives his kids big time bucks. Now, he has the money to do so but it seems his kids don’t really see the value in this and sort of expect this “entitlement” to keep coming. Granted he has the money to give them and he wants to share. He sees this as being caring and loving. But I don’t get the feeling his kids are learning from this nor are they becoming more responsible or better persons. It’s almost like unknowingly he is creating a sort of adolescent limbo mindset for his kids because of all of these gifts they continue to receive. I think they never learn from life experiences of how to make things work when someone is constantly giving them money all the time. The money is always there so they continue to stay in their own little “kiddie” mindset world. It’s almost as if he is short circuiting their financial learning process and this actually subverts them from maturing or becoming better people. They don’t develop good decision making skills as a result of this. And some kids in these situations grow up thinking that money is the answer to solving all their problems…Sad…With the recent huge lottery drawing that took place I heard a statistic that most lottery winners ALL lose their winnings withing five years. Incredible but true. So can’t we learn from this that “free” money is usually not valued by the person who receives it? I think the same can be applied to people who over give to their children, esp to kids over 20 years old.

My wife and I try to stay pretty sharp on financial issues with the kids. Up through the college years we did take care of them financially. But after college we sort of drew the line. I think we are pretty responsible with them financially now. Sure, we give them gifts from time to time, but they need to learn to carry their own load. Like cars… They need to buy and pay for their own cars which they have done. I have some friends and relatives who think it is their responsibility to “give” their kids cars. ( even older kids in their 30s) And some even feel that they need to “give” them houses too… But for us we also said no to things like cars, housing, clothing, their own trips, vacations, and other purchases (all bought and paid for their on Iphones), etc. The message has been, “If you want it, you need to find a way to pay for it”. Luckily they have been working at pretty good jobs and can support themselves. So that does make it easier for us. In addition to them “finding a way to pay for things”…they also learn good decision making skills. They learn to experience “buyers remorse” and learn what it feels like to spend their own money on something they realize they don’t want or don’t see the value in. I feel these become financial learning events that help them with decision making skills later on. Think about it.. If I gave them the money to buy something they eventually saw little value in, there would be no remorse at the dumb purchase they made, right. So spending their own money on something like a perceived incredible deal on $ 800 snow skis that they may only use one or two times a season becomes a real eye opener for them. I guess we really are blessed with our kids and we try to remain financially focused with our children. In reality I think a kids financial education and responsibility probably doesn’t really kick in until they are in the mid 20s and beyond. There is no magic date, but giving them more and more $s delays them seeing the reality in life’s finances. Now my wife will do things for them…… like she will do their taxes as that is sort of what she does in her full time job. And of course they don’t have to pay a tax planner or accountant as she does this for free. But at the same time it allows her to talk and educate the kids on finances, taxes, etc. I suspect that when my wife and I pass on whatever money we have left will be a gift to them. And I suppose they will appreciate it more then than if I were to give it to them it now. It is just reality that they will not appreciate it as much now. So that helps us to keep the “giving” mindset in check. I guess maybe the approach and message to everyone’s kids should be something like this.. “ You don’t want to have to pay to support me as I get older, right? So the more you can do for yourselves now, and the more money I can save and will hopefully mean more money that I will be able to leave for you when I die.”

(4) Susan M. in NJ: You are too funny Blaine!!!

And:

If, and when, you ever do stop putting out Blainesworld, you will not easily be forgotten!!! Seriously, thank you for entertaining and enlightening us!

(5) Lana in OH: Wonderful edition [#809]!

(6) Pat A. in PA: Blaine, you got me on your April Fools joke. I thought, oooohnooo, why is he going down to just QUARTERLIES? Why not at least monthly? Glad I read on!

And thanks to for always promoting my events, my son, etc. – many many thanks for the good you do.

(7) Joe D. in NY: You did get me on the April Fools thing; however if it was not a joke, I could hardly blame you. This is a time consuming endeavor.

I love the way you open each edition with: Cynthia, my beautiful bride…

(8) Eileen Z. in PA: re: helping kids out….

every time my m-in-law came to our house, she criticized my kitchen, my appliances, etc….the walkway, the this and the that……we were constantly busy keeping up with the bones of the house (ca.1797) and as long as the appliances worked, I had to ignore the ugliness and broken doors, hinges and burners of the appliances, the ugly formica counter tops, etc. to pay for roofs, new wells and the like. She really ridiculed us about this stuff. Never gave us a dime and we didn’t know what she really had. She bought into a nice retirement village and lived modestly.

when she died, she left us over a quarter of a million dollars…..his sister the same. So we got a new kitchen a new porch, a new sidewalk, invested a lot of it, bought two new cars, etc. She never saw us enjoy any of it…. That will never happen with my child. Susan and Ralph will get it while I am here….whether they need it or not (after I am taken care of…) and, I will love watching them enjoy….. They do not squander what they have, work a few jobs each and live within their means…. they’ve already show me/us how responsible they are….. they don’t ask for a thing….I just give it as and when I can…. and then I sit back and enjoy.

(9) Maria M. in NC: CONGRATULATIONS on becoming new SART PRESIDENT!! You will be terrific!!

(10) Steve B. in AZ: I just finished a book that I think you would very much enjoy. It was a quick read. Called Beyond Civilization. Not political in any way, just presents an interesting perspective of the times that we live in. Read it and let me know what you think.

(11) Michael F. in NV: Oh that’s right it is April first….Beat you to it….this year!

(12) Devander N. in CA: 15 things you should give up to be happy
http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

(13) Delores in PA (with a REQUEST FOR HELP):

Dear Family & Friends

Hope this letter finds everyone in the best of health and doing great! Well another year has passed and I am at it again. I am looking forward to completing another marathon and raising money to help save lives. On that note family and friends, your support is needed to help me achieve my goal for this great cause. I completed my goal last year and look forward to completing it again on October 25, 2012.

I am making this commitment to honor family members and anyone who is battling Lymphoma or any other type of blood related cancers. Their courage has given me strength to commit to running a sixth marathon and to raise funds to help make a difference in not only supporting and honoring their lives, but to help with the funding needed for research to help overcome this life threatening disease. My goal is to raise $6,000 dollars for this amazing cause!

I know that training and fundraising to raise $6,000 will be a challenge for me, but a very rewarding one. I know my fundraising efforts and running this marathon will contribute to bringing us one step closer to finding a cure for Leukemia, Lymphoma, and other blood related disease. My goal is to exceed the fundraising requirement and complete the marathon with no injuries. Compared to the statistics, to which every five minutes someone new is diagnosed with a blood related disease this goal is minuscule. Please help me achieve my goals. I appreciate all donations, big and small, and remember that you are making a difference in the life of every person affected by these diseases. Keep in mind all donations are 100% tax deductible, and if you could pass this letter on to anyone whom you think would like to contribute to this great cause, I would greatly appreciate it.

I thank you for all your love and support.

Delores Chalmers

P.S. If you have someone that you would like me to run in honor/memory of, please forward their names. It would be my pleasure to wear his/her name on my race day shirt.

Please make checks payable to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and send all donations to:

Delores Chalmers
776 Mohawk Street
Allentown, PA 18103

Or you can check out my website and donate online at:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/vtnt/dublin12/dchalmers

(14) Richard S. in NC: Thanks Blaine for all your support! …. and for the fun jokes and good advice!

(15) Lisa Z. in PA: Blaine, as usual, your newsletter hits home for me. I just got back from saying goodbye to my Aunt/Godmother who is in hospice care at University of Penn. I told her son it is fortunate that he, his sister (with whom he has a love/hate relationship) and his Dad all agree that they don’t want to see her suffer anymore and they will not resuscitate – just keeping her as comfortable as possible at this point. Your article makes me feel even more that they are doing the right thing and how much easier it would be to know what she really wanted.

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